There was a beautiful picture we once took.
It was impromptu.
Not posed in the slightest.
In fact, my face is hardly seen in the frame.
Only a portion of my bearded jaw line is visible.
Locks tied up and flowing down my back.
Half of a hearty laugh frozen in time on my face.
… Continue Reading
The key word here is lady. While having a pair of X chromosomes may define someone as a woman or “female,” a lady that does not make. Maybe I’m old school but there are certain behaviors I find unappealing in the opposite sex—at least ones that I’d like to pursue. So today I’ve crafted five-and-a-half things a lady should never do in front a man.
1) SPIT
I’m sorry but every time I see a woman on the street spit it makes me go limp. While there are some women with a little less couth that you kind of expect that sort of behavior from that still doesn’t make it acceptable. It’s even worse when it’s a “dime.” Imagine seeing Halle Berry in person only to have her hock a lougie on the street. Eww. One of People magazine’s sexiest women alive my ass. Get a tissue and keep it moving.
2) POOP
There was a time when I convinced myself that women just don’t poop, all they do in the bathroom is tinkle. Deep down I knew they did No. 2′s but I never ever wanted to think about it. I mean I look at booties all day in a sexual way, the last thing I want to picture is a big log coming out of that pretty round mound that’s been driving’ me wild. But sadly after living with a woman on two separate occasions my fantasy world where women don’t take massive dumps was crushed. Ladies, please let’s leave something to the imagination by just let us men folk believe the reason you’re in the bathroom so long is because you’re doing your makeup. Remember, the Febreeze is under the sink and the courtesy flush is appreciated.
3) CURSE
Okay, there are some circumstances where four-letter words are acceptable (some one steps on your foot, the throes of passion, etc.) but a woman that swears like a sailor is unladylike. Call me a snob but I try to limit my usage of profanity and there’s a time and place for everything, but if every other word is a MF this and F that, or the n-word accents your every sentence, then you’re losing major brownie points with me. There’s a dictionary’s worth of words in the world let’s not let so many go to waste. Also, always remember a thesaurus is not a dinosaur it’s your friend.
4) SMOKE
I know some will disagree with me on this one but this is my list and my personal turn offs, so… Moving right along. I don’t care how sexy Hollywood makes it seem, smoking is not for me. There have been plenty of times I’ve seen a stunning woman on the street who got hit with a #YouAreNoLongerSexy sticker because she pulled out a cancer stick and lit one up. Sorry, just the thought of kissing a woman who smokes makes my tongue itch. Oh, and don’t let her be a weed head; there’s nothing more unsexy (to me) than a dazed and confused woman, especially over 25. Get your life and mind right, shorty.
5) FART
Fact: Farting is not cute. It may be funny (why is that?) but it’s not cute especially for a woman. I’ll give y’all a pass if you let one go in your sleep but if you let it rip on purpose ThatsABadLook.com (Still coming soon). I remember this one girl that was feeling me a little more than I was her, but we had “messed around” a bit. I went to check her at her crib one night and she happen to break wind on the couch. I’m talking lifted up her leg and let it go. She thought it was the funniest thing in the world but I was so turned off I think that’s the last time I ever saw her. Who wants to hit it from the back and have to think about dingle berries getting planted on your stomach. #NoThanks
5.5) BURP
This one gets half a mention because it’s similar to farting in that it’s another way of passing gas. Also, similar to smoking, burping makes me think of your breath stinking, which means I no longer want to kiss you. Besides, I don’t know how to burp so stop showing off.
Do you hate to see people spit on the street or make that hacking sound to bring up the phlegm? Are there times when it’s acceptable? Should women keep certain things like doing No. 2s and farting to themselves? When is it okay to take a dump at your lover’s house? Would you hold it until you got home? How long does it take for you to feel comfortable taking a dump at your lover’s house? Am I the only guy that convinced himself that women don’t poop? Do you believe excessive cursing is a sign of less education? Could you stay with someone that cursed excessively? Do you find it odd that I can’t burp? What are your thoughts on this list of unladylike actions? What other actions would you say are “unladylike” that I missed?
Speak your piece…
Twitter| http://twitter.com/NakedWithSocks
Blog| http://nwso.net/
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In case you didn’t hear/read, I was laid off from my job week before last. If you’ve ever been unemployed before you know that one of the first things you should do is set up a doctor’s appointment ASAP because God knows how long it’ll be before you get health insurance again. Sorry, $400 a month for Cobra is not in the cards for the kid, so it was definitely time to get the pipes checked. As fate would have it, though, I already had an annual physical scheduled for last Monday.
Although my doctor is pretty cool, the whole experience is always a series of awkwardness. First, you sit in the waiting area with a bunch of strangers that are there for who knows what ailment or disease. For some reason there always seems to be someone that looks like they’re on their deathbed and coughing up a storm. Once you survive the germ field and hear your name called, you’re greeted by your doctor. Although he or she knows your name and all of your personal information, they’re still basically a stranger that just so happens to know what you look like naked with socks on.
I don’t know how it is for the ladies, but guys have to endure extreme bouts of homophobia during the course of a doctor’s visit. I mean, how often do you stand in front of another man, pull down your boxers and let him grab your balls while he tells you to cough? If he didn’t have a lab coat and a medical degree on his wall, there’s no way in hell a straight man would let that ride. Well, unless he were in the red light district and was paying someone to do it, but I digress…
At any rate, the whole grab-ya-balls-and-cough thing has always been weird for me—as I’m sure it is for most guys. My previous doctor would do it on the sly and catch me while I was lying on the exam table. He’d just slip his hand into my boxers and tell me to cough. I guess it all happened so quick there was never any time for much awkwardness. My doctor now has a whole different technique. He’ll be by the sink with his back turned to me and be like, “Stand up and pull your boxers down.”
The first time I was like, “Huh?” And just pulled them down a little. “You mean all the way?”
“Yeah.”
I finally pulled my boxers down to my knees and stood there in all my glory waiting for this stranger to grab my sack and tell me to cough. I have no idea what grabbing balls and coughing tells them, but every doctor does it. I swear it’s all a big inside joke that some wiseass doctor put in the medical handbook years ago like, “We should grab guys’ balls and have them cough. I bet they’ll do it just because we’re doctors and never even ask why.”
Although women don’t have to endure ball grabbing I remember reading on my homegirl Belle’s blog about how she dealt with her own bout of awkwardness. Prior to going to the gynecologist, she always prepped her “special place” for its public viewing by the doctor. As odd as it sounds, I found myself contemplating the same thing. I wasn’t trying to impress my doctor or anything gay like that, but I did opt to do some quick upkeep before my appointment. I mean I had to trim the hedges anyway and since lil’ NWSO was gonna be seen, I figured why not tidy up the place.
The most awkward thing about going to the doctor, though, is actually telling the truth. Like I said earlier, your doctor’s basically a stranger that asks all these personal question. “Does it burn when you pee?” “How many partners have you had in the past six months?” “Have you had anal sex?” It’s all pretty personal for someone you only see once or twice a year tops. But doctors are like priests and you’re supposed to tell them everything—and since they took the Hippocratic Oath they’re supposed to keep everything confidential. But do you really want to tell someone you hardly know that you have the runs, got a bump on your magic stick, you suffer from premature ejaculation or had unprotected sex and want to take an AIDS test? Embarrassment can keep you from doing a lot of stuff, but keeping it real with your doctor shouldn’t be one of them. So just like with the ball grab and cough, you just have to grin and bare it.
So am I the only one that feels awkward going to the doctor? Do you keep secrets from your primary physician or do you tell them everything? Are folks scared to ask their doctor for an AIDS test? Do you groom the field before a doctor’s visit? Do you ever get comfortable flashing your stuff to a doctor? What do you prefer, doctors of the same sex or the opposite? What’s the most embarrassing thing you had to share with a doctor?
Speak your piece…
Twitter| http://twitter.com/NakedWithSocks
Blog| http://nwso.net/
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Flashback: Raven and I had been dating off and on for a few years. For the majority of our relationship, I was the more financially stable one, while she was still in school working on her bachelor’s degree. Needless to say, her money was tight, especially around the holidays.
Since my birthday is the day after Christmas, the double gift thing has always been a bit of a financial strain for folks in my life. Even still, Raven would hook me up with dinner at a nice restaurant, topped off with an “active” night.
This particular year Raven actually had enough dough to hook me up for Christmas and my birthday. I was geeked. There were these all-black Timberland dress boots that I really wanted and I figured that’d be my surprise gift.
Christmas day came and I gave Raven a DVD player with the first season of In Living Color to go along with the TV set I got for her the year before. When it came time for my present, I was greeted by these two big boxes.
As I felt the weight of these neatly wrapped packages, neither felt heavy enough to be my boots, but I anticipated something special nonetheless. I opened the first box to find a stack of new towels. Raven always complained about my towels whenever she stayed over, so I guess this was her way of getting some she felt were more comfortable.
Odd gift aside, I moved on to the next box and ripped through the wrapping paper to discover a set of Tupperware. Perplexed even further by the impersonal nature of these gifts I kindly thanked her and kept it moving. My birthday was the next day and surely my boots would come then.
For my birthday, Raven decided to take me out to eat at this restaurant in Long Island. Before that, though, I had to meet her at her house where I’d receive my long overdue birthday present.
As I walk into Raven’s room, I see a big plastic bag in the center of her room with a box that’s about the size of a large shoebox. She confirms that the package is for me and I rush over to the bag and dig into the wrapping paper. To my chagrin, yet another surprise gift befalls me.
Nope, no boots. Instead I got a brand spanking new… paper shredder.
**Blank stare**
In Raven’s defense, though, I actually needed a paper shredder. So in essence it was a thoughtful gift that I still actually use to this day, but I was disappointed to say the least.
Towels that she would later use before me; Tupperware that I didn’t really need because my Glad containers served me well; and a paper shredder for the grand finale? I’m not even sure how to describe how I felt. I know Raven meant well and you shouldn’t look at any gift sideways, but that didn’t stop me from being disappointed.
After dinner, Raven dropped me home for a nightcap. I placed the bag with the shredder in the corner of my room before joining her in the living room, where the Tupperware sat in its original box on my end table.
The Tupperware remained in the same spot for almost a week until Raven stopped by and noticed the box.
“You haven’t opened that yet,” she said, picking up the box and pulling out a pocketknife (long story). She proceeded to cut the box open and stared at the 10-piece set.
“This some good Tupperware,” she beamed. “Just like the ones I have at home.”
“Uhm, okay,” I halfheartedly responded.
Flash-forward: Raven and I have long since parted ways and the Tupperware she gave me as a gift stayed in its original box for years, stored atop of my fridge just collecting dust. It remained untouched until I made my move from Queens to Brooklyn two summers ago.
During the course of packing, I came across the Tupperware set and finally took it out of its original box. I paid the pieces no mind as I promptly placed them into another box with the rest of my kitchen supplies. Before sealing the box, though, I briefly recalled how I felt when I received that Tupperware several years earlier and how I never even used them after all this time.
Once I finally made the move to my new crib I began the daunting task of unpacking. Along the way I came across that Tupperware yet again but this time I took a long hard look at it.
It actually was a nice set. It was microwave safe, had seal-tight lids and a bunch of other nifty qualities I never took the time out to take note off. To be completely honest, the set was way better than the flimsy Glad Tupperware I had been using all this time. In fact, I wound up tossing out the Glad pieces and happily use Raven’s set each week.
All of a sudden, Raven’s gift, which I had ignored and refused to appreciate for so long, was now part of my everyday life. I began to recognize it as the thoughtful gift that it always was. I guess when you spend all your time focused only on what you want, you never realize that sometimes what you need has been right in front of you the whole time.
Fin!
What do you think of the lesson in this story? Have you ever gotten a gift that you didn’t like? Did you tell the person or keep your thoughts to yourself? Was I wrong for initially being disappointed by Raven’s gifts? Should I have told how I felt then? Do you think that people’s wants and desires can sometimes prevent them from seeing the value of something in front of them? Can the same apply to relationships in that there could be a good person in front of you that you just never paid attention to? Will you now take the time out to look beneath the surface more often?
Speak your piece…
Twitter| http://twitter.com/NakedWithSocks
Blog| http://nwso.net/
**LEAVE YOUR FEEDBACK BELOW** WHAT ARE SOME BAD GIFTS YOU’VE RECEIVED? DID YOU REGIFT?
A lot of women often complain about not being able to find a good man or only being approached by jerks. A while back I suggested that the ladies just flip the script and actually do the asking out. For the most part, female readers balked at the idea because they were just too scared of rejection.
**Boo hoo**
Men are simple, all you have to do is smile to get a man’s attention and he’ll be putty in your hands.
Don’t believe me? Well, I saw it firsthand last night.
The train was exceptionally crowded as I made my way home, but I still managed to snag my usual post against the closed doors. I pulled out my BlackBerry and I immediately began catching up on my NWSO emails for the day. (I told y’all I read them all).
Although I’m often lost in my own digital world, I always keep track of my surroundings—this is New York City after all. As the train got ready to pull into the Atlantic Ave. station I noticed this attractive woman, who appeared to be of Indian descent, trying to get past the woman in front of her.
The train wasn’t even out of the tunnel yet so I wondered why the woman was so pressed to make her way through the crowded car. Instead of heading in the direction of the doors that would actually open, she was headed towards my side of the train.
With a beaming smile, she extended her hand across two other men to boldly offer up her business card to the Asian man directly to my right.
“Call me,” she stated matter-of-factly, before turning around to exit the train.
At first I thought the Asian fella was an old acquaintance she spotted right before her stop, but one of the two bewildered men that had witnessed the exchange, inquired: “Do you know her?”
“No,” responded the Asian gentleman.
“Wow,” said the inquisitive stranger. “That was like something out of a movie.”
“Yeah.”
I give that woman mad respect. She saw something she wanted and went after it. The ball was now in ol’ boy’s court to call or not. Chances are he will—if he hasn’t already.
Shoot, they might even have a Wet Wednesdays worthy episode in their futures.
See, now was that so hard? Any woman that looks halfway decent could just as easily do the same thing. Not for nothing, the guy wasn’t even that cute, IMHO. It’s not like I’d know what a woman found appealing in another man anyway but the point is, the worst thing that could happen is dude doesn’t call. Even if he doesn’t, the woman could be rest assured that she at least made an effort to meet a man she found attractive.
Based on my eavesdropping, she also scored brownie points from the other men on the train.
“Man, that was so cool,” commented the tall Caucasian gentleman, who saw the whole thing go down. “She just handed you her card and said, ‘Call me.’ That just doesn’t happen every day.”
“Nah, not at all.”
“Are you going to call her?”
“Yeah, I have to.”
Stand clear the closing doors…
Ladies, would you have enough gumption to approach a man on the street? Or would you rather rely on coy eye contact and hope that he approached you? How’s that working out for you and your dating life? Do you feel it’s “unladylike” to approach a man like this woman did? Would you be able to handle the disappointment if the man you gave your number to never called? Fellas, does an aggressive woman turn you on? Would you think she was “easy” or just a woman that knew what she wanted? Do you think dating would be easier if more women were aggressive?
Speak your piece…
Twitter| http://twitter.com/NakedWithSocks
Blog| http://nwso.net/
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Chef Kim Parris aka the CaribDiva is back with this week’s Sweat the Vote Meal Challenge
The Sweat the Vote challenge is underway. To make sure you stay on the track, Chef Kim Parris has joined the team to provide weekly meals that are low fat, low cost and low on prep time!
Today’s Wellness Wednesday post offers advice to increase those “Tasty Tuesday” moments…
So far I’ve included a few “adult” beverages, but in honor of this Saturday’s SWEAT Party, I wanted to feature a more…healthy drink 
The SWEAT Party is back with its 16th SWEAT Event – GLOW
