Breaking Up is Easy, Dating Again Isn’t (Where Do I Start?)
Dear NWSO,
I just recently ended a 10-year relationship and it’s the only relationship I’ve ever been in. My problem is I don’t know how to date. How and where do I start?
Well, first of all if you just ended a 10-year relationship you need to date yourself first before rushing back out there. What I mean by that is, when I ended a three-year relationship that included living together, I had no clue who I was anymore. I mean, I knew what we did on the weekend or for fun, but I forgot what I did for fun. When I realized that I told myself that I didn’t need to rush into another relationship right off the bat because I’d probably look to make this new person into my old person. I needed to take a little time to myself before I jumped back on the dating scene. I threw myself into my friends and work for a bit until it felt right.
As for getting back into the dating scene once you’re ready, that’s a whole other ballgame, especially after 10 years because a lot’s changed since you were last on the scene. I’m not sure of your age, but based on the decade of dating I’ll assume you’re a “mature” woman. You can try browsing online dating sites to get your feet wet if you want, but if real world dates are what you’re looking for asking friends and people you trust is always a good starting point—either someone they can co-sign or just hanging out where other single folk are.
Whatever approach you take the key is to not compare anyone new to your ex, but considering the amount of time you spent together and the fact that this was your only relationship I know that will be hard. More than likely he is all you know and for the past decade things were on autopilot, but just because your ex liked to do certain things or acted a particular way doesn’t mean the next person will. They are completely different people. So keep that in mind with whomever you go out with.
Getting over your first love is never easy and it’ll be a long process to get to a point where you feel comfortable back out there. You may even want to backtrack and go back to your ex at times, but if y’all broke up for a serious reason you have to remember that and move on accordingly. Just because something is comfortable or familiar doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
It’s a sad part of life that we all have to go through a breakup at some point. Some just have them earlier in life than others. I’m sure give the long-term nature of your last relationship, you assumed that it would have had a happily ever after ending. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case and you have to join the rest of us on the long journey to finding true love again.
Hopefully you have a strong crew of friends and family that can prep you for dating in a whole new century. LOL! Good luck!
CLICK HERE for advice I’ve given on a similar issue.
Do you agree that people need to date themselves for a while after a break up? Have you ever been so caught up in a relationship that when it’s over you forgot who you were in terms of doing things without your partner? Did you compare everyone you met to your ex after your first break up? Have you ever been the rebound relationship for someone? How long do you think someone should wait before dating seriously after getting out of a long-term relationship? Would you suggest online dating as a good way to get your feet wet? What advice would you give this woman on getting back on the dating scene?
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