10 Rules For Women To Follow During Football Season

WORDS BY JR THE WRITER

As summer comes to an end and fall approaches, men will finally be able to express their feelings to the one thing in life that matters, FOOTBALL! That’s right, ladies, it’s that time of year where men show no love to y’all on Sundays since 1920. The 2011 NFL season (September-February) is officially bromance season.

While some men aren’t really into sports, there’s a good chance yours is. While I damn near wanted to get engaged to my ex when the Steelers won it a few years back, most women don’t understand why men get so upset or into their team. Well, stop trying to figure it out and just listen to these 10 rules to follow during the football season.

10. Don’t ever try to understand why men are obsessed with football.

Just like we will never understand why you pay hundreds to thousands of dollars on a bag that holds things just as well as the $20 purse, you will never understand the love of the game.

9. Please do not stand in front of the television if you want something.

While it’s true that every down is important, there is no need for you to block the television to get our attention.  Just wait for a commercial please!

8. Don’t pretend you know football to try and impress men.

If I see one more girl on twitter repeating EXACTLY what Chris Collingsworth (if you don’t know who that is than that’s problem No. 1) said during the commentary, I’m going to kill myself.  Y’all would know if we were faking it while talking about shoes and makeup, and the same thing goes for you and football.  If you want to impress your guy’s friends, just watch the game (quietly), that’s enough in itself.

7. If we want you to wear a jersey, just wear it!

I know, I know, I’d be embarrassed to wear a Ravens or Cowboysgirls jersey as well, but it’s an obvious gesture your man wants to share this experience with you.  He’s not asking you to speak on the cover defense; he just wants some support from you.

6. You will not be dragging us to a baby shower, mall, or any other activity where a man will be forced to just stand there and look helpless on a Sunday!

Do you know why there are no church services from 1-7? It’s not so you can play baby bingo at a shower, it’s because Jesus wants us to be near a TV, radio or computer.

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The Best NFL teams that never were…

As a young child I fondly remember the 1990-1993 Buffalo Bills.

For starters, they were the livest team ever on Tecmo Super Bowl. Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed, James Lofton, Bruce Smith, Darryl Talley, Cornelius Thomas, etc. I mean, they were unfair. For some other more obvious reasons, I also remember the 1990-1993 Buffalo Bills because for four consecutive years they “attended” the Super Bowl. We all remember the skull-drugging escapades that the Bills were on the wrong side of. We remember “Wide Right”. We remember Thurman Thomas losing his helmet. We remember the Cowboys putting a 35-piece on ‘em.
… Continue Reading

The New York Knicks Are Back

The NBA is a better place when the New York Knicks are competitive. Think about it; they play in the Mecca of basketball, they have loyal fans, and they’re known around the globe. They’re also polarizing from the fact that you will be hard-pressed to find a person who, at one time or another, hasn’t had an opinion on the New York Knicks. The problem is that, in recent memory, it’s been hard to find much to be positive about. However, the Ghosts of Clyde Frazier, The Pearl, Dave DeBusschere, Sugar Ray Richardson, Patrick Ewing, Charles Oakley, John Starks, Chris Childs (toughness and hands only), and Latrell Sprewell have descended to The Garden and the Knicks are playing the best ball they have played in years. … Continue Reading

The Boobie Miles All-Americans

About a month ago, Kenny and I dreamed of a scenario where we could build an all-time movie basketball team. We dubbed this the Jesus Shuttlesworth All-Stars as it consisted of 12 of the greatest movie hoopers of all-time. So of course, me being a football fan and a lover of movies, I said why not do it for the pigskin.

Let me lay some ground rules about this list. One, we weren’t going to make a list about football players in movies when said person plays themselves in the movie or an actor is playing the role of a real NFL player. For example, we wouldn’t use Ernie Davis (played by Rob Brown) from the movie, “The Express”, because he was a collegiate and pro player.

So lets lay it out. Who would be a better running back? Boobie Miles or Darius Washington? Who’s your QB? Paul Crewe? Willie Beamen? Sunshine? I left off SHANE FALCO! Paul Blake! Check out our All-Americans and let us know if you agree or disagree.

QB – Paul “Wrecking” Crewe, The Longest Yard (Burt Reynolds only, not Adam Sandler) – Quite possibly the greatest QB to ever live, Paul Crewe went into jail for a betting scandal which he got caught shaving points. Went into jail and played maybe the greatest game of all-time, going up against semi-pro football players who were all on horse steroids. Rallied his troops which comprised of murderers, rapists, and embezzelers. They had men dressing as cheerleaders, and the warden trying to cheat them the whole time. All I have to say is, “MEAN MACHINE! MEAN MACHINE! MEAN MACHINE!”
QB – Willie Beamen, Any Given Sunday (Jamie Foxx)
QB – Sunshine (Kip Pardue) or Rev (Craig Kirkwood), Remember the Titans

RB – Boobie Miles, Friday Night Lights (Derek Luke)
RB – Darnell Jefferson, The Program (Omar Epps) – Dude stole a starting runningback position and Halle Berry (MISS BERRY! MISS BERRY!) from the same guy. Was a Freshman phenom who came in ready to do work.
RB – Gavin Grey, Everybody’s All-American (Dennis Quaid)

WR – Rod Tidwell, Jerry Maguire (Cuba Gooding, Jr.)
WR – Charlie Tweeder, Varsity Blues (Scott Caan)
WR – Phillip Elliott, North Dallas Forty (Nick Nolte) – For us young bucks, you might not have any idea about what this movie is all about, but Nick Nolte aka Phil Elliott was like the Ed McCafferey in this movie. Supremely tough, hobbled, always hurt, and played with a chip on his shoulder. If you haven’t seen this movie (came out in 1979) then go get it ASAP.

OL – Billy Bob, Varsity Blues (Ron Lester)
OL – Manumana “the Slender”, Necessary Roughness (Peter Tuiasosopo)
OL – Jumbo Fumiko, The Replacements (Ace Yonamine)
OL – Bud Kaminski, The Program (Abraham Benrubi)
OL – Andre “Action” Jackson – The Replacements (Faizon Love)

3-4 Defense

DL – Andre Krimm, Necessary Roughnessn (Sinbad) – Dude was a professor at Texas State and had one year of eligibility left, singlehandedly held it down for light skinned actors in this one role by himself! He talked sh*t and everything! LOL
DL – Ivory Christian aka “Preacherman”, Friday Night Lights (Lee Jackson III)
DL – Steve Lattimer, The Program (Andrew Bryniarski)

LB – Bobby Boucher, The Waterboy (Adam Sandler)
LB – Becky “The Icebox” O’Shea, The Little Giants (Shawna Waldron) – Between “The Waterboy” and “The Icebox”, were probably the two most devasting linebackers in the history of movie football. Forget STRONGSIDE, RIGHTSIDE! If you didn’t have a lisp-talked cajun linebacker and an 11-year old female linebacker with a mean disposition, then you were in trouble.
LB – Julius “Strongside” Campbell, Remember The Titans (Wood Harris)
LB – Gerry “Right Side” Bertier, Remember The Titans (Ryan Hurst)
LB – Luther “Shark” Levay, Any Given Sunday (Lawrence Taylor)

DB – Stefen “Stef” Djordjevic, All The Right Moves (Tom Cruise)
DB – Brian Chavez, Friday Night Lights (Jay Hernandez)
DB – Earl Wilkinson aka “Ray Smith”, The Replacements (Michael Jace)
DB – Trumaine Johnson, Wildcats (Wesley Snipes)

KR – Clifford Franklin, The Replacements (Orlando Jones)
PR – Wendell Brown, Varsity Blues (Eliel Swinton)

K – Lucy Draper, Necessary Roughness (Kathy Ireland)
P – Nigel Gruff, The Replacements (Rhys Ifans)

ANYWAY, THIS LIST IS IN FUN. BUT I KNOW WE LEFT SOME FOLKS OFF, WHO ARE WE MISSING?

-Ed.
www.edthesportsfan.com

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Posted By Ed The Sports Fan to Ed The Sports Fan at 6/18/2009 09:12:00 AM

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Creator & Sr. Editor
Ed The Sports Fan
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The Biggest Teases in Sports Today

There are some folks who just have “it” and there are others who simply don’t.

Fellas, you all remember that one woman in particular, fine just isn’t a great enough word to describe how good looking she is. Seems to always be genuinely interested in you, but just aloof enough for you to think that you don’t really have a chance. She leads you on making you think you are THE one, then she acts the same way with 3-4 other guys. You make a move on her like only a true man would, not waiting on the sidelines, and you might get to first base even…but, no score.

There are athletes that I watch on a consistent basis that tend to make me feel this way as well. They have the talent to make all the plays that only an elite athlete can. You watch them on the field of battle and it seems like that they can do it all, except for one small problem…they can’t.

Jay Cutler and Tony Romo

Watching the highlights of the Bears vs. Cowboys game this past Sunday, I gave Kenny a call and chopped it up with him about the game. I did this with the slight intention of seeing how upset he was after his Cowboys lost again, and he was upset. However, the first thing the man said was, “Why doesn’t Jay Cutler play like that all the time?”

Good question, why doesn’t Cutler play like that all the time? Cutler’s got all the tools to be an elite QB, but man…it seems like for 3-4 plays during a game the man loses his mind like the fine woman I described earlier walked across the 50-yard line while Devin Hester was running a button hook. Cutler’s been doing it to us since ’06, and his play over the last two games just continues to make us say, “Why doesn’t he do this all the time?”

Romo is a slightly different case, he came literally from nowhere (Eastern Illinois) and was a diamond in the rough. The problem, some would say, is that he went to the Dallas Cowboys. He’s considered the golden child and was anointed as such as soon as he was able to make an impact on the football field. Let me be the first to say it, about 90% of fans of other football teams would LOVE to have Romo as our quarterback. However, I don’t know how good Romo truly is. The expectation of the Dallas Cowboys is to be America’s Team and to win titles. Romo’s doing the best he can, and I don’t know if its good enough.

Andy Roddick

Have you ever heard someone who’s received more acclaim and really hasn’t done anything of significance since winning the U.S. Open in 2003. (When he beat Juan Carlos Ferrero, by the way. Not Federer or a Nadal who wasn’t in his prime yet.) He’s got one of the best serves known to man and when you see him on the court it just seems that he should be in the elite. He’s just not, he’s not that good. The worst thing that ever happened to him WAS winning the U.S. Open in ’03, because it jaded every American sports mind to think that he could do it again, he just can’t.

Carlos Beltran

Look, this will be one of the few times I’ll ever openly talk down on one of my Puerto-Rican brothers, but it has to be done. Carlos Beltran is one of the most gifted outfielders I’ve ever seen play the game of baseball, but for the love of God I’ve never seen a man seem so lethargic in my life. Moreover, I’ve never seen a man made of paper mache, pixie sticks, balsam wood, cray paper, hot velveeta, and anything else that’s fragile, frail, feathery, and flimsy. The man is a ski-mask all-star if I’ve ever seen one (dude is the 5th highest paid player in baseball making $19.2 million in 2010) and every time it seems like he’s finally back, his knees break apart like some child hitting a pinata.

Rasheed Wallace

There’s never been a player more loved for more purely random reasons than ‘Sheed. Me included. Kenny and I love ‘Sheed, that’s our dude. The man got a championship wrestling belt made when the Pistons won their championship in 2004, that alone was enough for me. Plus, have you ever heard the ways his teammates speak of him? Its unreal.

Moreover, I’ve never seen a power forward outside of Tim Duncan…naw, I won’t even say that, I’ve never seen a more talented power forward than Rasheed Wallace in my entire life. The man can do literally anything on the basketball court. Hold down the block, rebound, shoot, pass, etc. Only one problem, the man had no desire to be a lead dog and prove himself on a day-to-day basis. ‘Sheed was insanely content on leaning back and playing in “his” role, which was a role no one wanted him to have. Eventually, teams stopped forcing him to be that guy and let him be him, but to this day when ‘Sheed has put his mind to it, no one’s been better, and that’s why he was the biggest damn tease I’ve ever seen in my life.

-Ed.
www.edthesportsfan.com

P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk (and hopefully on the radio soon) show around, “The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show” as we are live Wednesday’s at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!