Dads & Fathers – Dr. X’s prescription for your life
I was going to write a sappy, Father’s Day post but I decided, ehh let some other blogger inject you with something sugary-sweet. I’ve been giving you the harsh dose of reality thus far, so I’m not going to stray from that just because of the holiday.
Any man can shoot off, get a chick pregnant and be listed on a birth certificate as a father; but being a dad takes time and effort.
Listen guys, if you have kids and you’re in their lives and you do for them, go find them, wherever they are right now and
give them a hug and tell them how brilliant they are and how much you love them.
Let them know they can do anything their dreams desire in life and that you support them 4080%.
Now, if you have kids and you’re not in their lives, listen here:
Five years ago, on my birthday, my sister gave birth to a son, my youngest nephew Aaron. Aaron, or “mini-me”, as I call him, came out looking just like me when I was a kid; same big head, same complexion, and nosy as all get out. They say children come out looking like the person who stressed the mother out the most during her pregnancy, and yes, in this case I admit to being a stressor.
I stayed on my sister while she was pregnant with Aaron, to let her husband be more involved with their three other kids. You see, my sister’s husband is a great guy; fun-loving, sports fanatic, and hip to just about every trend in pop-culture. There’s no one who dislikes or doesn’t get along with him, except for my control-freak sister. I’ve watched her emasculate this man during arguments (in which my role was not Dr. X, but a low-budget version of Dr. Phil), and him sit there and laugh at her while she screams at the top of her lungs over him playing handball with their son and Dance-Dance Revolution with their girls.
I explained to my sis that playing with the kids is his way of parenting them. He’s never (to my knowledge) given them spankings and they always listen to daddy because as my 14-year-old niece says, “he’s the fun parent”.
Last summer, my sister decided she had enough of her husband being the fun parent, and began divorce proceedings. It’s amazing what a litigious society we live in because the attorney and judge were fine with her reasoning for divorce: “he acts like a f—ing child”, being listed on the divorce papers. My brother-in-law shut down emotionally for the first time ever in the almost 15 years I’ve known him. My two nieces went to live with our other sister, the middle son went to live with his paternal grandmother, and I became responsible for Aaron.
The court ordered that during the hearings, my brother-in-law was not allowed to see his children. Yeah well, screw the judge. We made sure he got to see the kids whenever he wanted because my sister is a diabolical nutcase.
After she saw how hurt her husband was, she realized how much she missed him being there in the house and how much happiness the kids had when they were around their dad. She also realized she needed him more than they did.
The kids being happy is what made her happy. She took him for granted and allowed outside forces (work, jaded single/childless girlfriends, AT&T, Comcast…) affect her and her perception of things.
She was also reminded of how our father made as many children as he can, with as many women as he could, in as many cities as he could; not realizing that these children would grow up to become adults and have families of their own, and wonder about what kind of man he is, and who our other siblings are.
My sister dropped the divorce proceedings once she realized she had to let her man be his own man.
Now back to what I was saying earlier, listen here fathers who don’t see your kids: find it in yourself to see how you would feel if someone you looked up to all of your life acted as if they didn’t give a damn about you. It’s not a good feeling is it?
Go see your kids. It’s not about money or buying gifts and $150 sneakers for them.
Go see the baby. It’s not about if you and the mom get along.
Go spend time with your daughters. Even if it’s for 15 minutes and you sit with her while she listens to Nicki Minaj. Do it.
Let your sons know that they are kings and that they were born to achieve.
And if things ain’t right with you and your own father, forgive him. I’m not saying call him up and go shoot pool. But forgive him, and move on so that you can love yours the right way.
Today’s prescription: As long as you have breath in your body, be a dad. You’re already a father.
