Grae Gram

About a month ago, I went out for drinks with some friends on a Friday night after work. An hour into the evening I felt like I needed to get away from our little getaway. One of my girlfriends was shifting the conversation as had become her usual and she was killing everyone’s buzz.I understood that she was going through a lot. Between her relationship, her career and her stepchildren, but lately hanging out with her was becoming emotionally draining. If she wasn’t bemoaning her husband, she was kicking dirt about our boss. It seemed as if every time we all got together she would spend hours sulking and it was starting to affect the rest of us. Her negativity was unsettling and as a friend, I felt as if I should talk to her about it.

So I invited her out to breakfast so we could talk about how I was feeling. She accused me of being a bad friend and said that if I only wanted to be someone’s friend during the good times, I didn’t deserve to have any friends. To say that I was shocked by her statement, would be an understatement. I thought that I had been a good friend to her but it had become clear that we had different definitions of what friendship meant.

Her friendship was more emotionally taxing that any relationship I have ever had with a man and that couldn’t be healthy. She was so absorbed in her own problems and issues that she barely knew what was going on with the rest of us. An attempt to have a conversation without any drama involved was unsuccessful, and it appeared as if outside of bad news, we had nothing else to talk about.

Our friendship was forged out of a mutual disdain for our jobs and that was not enough to carry a real friendship.

It became clear that a friendship born from ill will
probably did not have a strong chance of survival. A few days after we stopped speaking, I felt as if a dark cloud had been lifted off of me. Going out for Friday night drinks became fun again. Knowing what is good for you is a part of being an adult, and a friendship that makes you feel bad is just as toxic as any other vice. Friends grow apart and as hard as that is to face, staying friends with someone out of a sense of obligation isn’t good for anyone. It’s okay to put your own emotional health first and rid yourself of people and things that are mentally and emotionally harmful.

Good friends feel good to be around. Helping a friend go through a tough time is expected but it should not overshadow every interaction you have with that friend. So I wish her the best. I hope she finds out what really makes a good friend.

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