Could You Date Someone That Was Bisexual?
Dear NWSO,
I recently came out to the man I’m in love with. It was dishonest of me to not tell him that I’m bi. We’ve known each other for over a year and what we have is genuine. We’re not in a committed relationship just yet but before we take it there I found the courage to finally tell him, because I love and respect him very much.
He’s the only person I’ve ever told. The first time the words “I’m bi” even rolled off my lips I damn near had a panic attack. I’m married (separated and the divorce is now processing) and it never even a consideration for me to share that with my husband. It never crossed my mind because I KNEW he wouldn’t be able to handle it.
But with this guy I’ve never felt like I had so much to lose. For me to even tell my current was a big damn deal for me. He means so much. After the initial shock and the “F*ck you’s” and “Why,” he said with all the other risks involved in our relationships he’ll basically just add this to the list and hope we can survive through it. I just hope we can get comfortable with it and move forward.
I’ve never told anyone so there are plenty of things that I have to consider or watch. I can’t say I’m going out with my girls and I might stay over anymore or that I’m going out of town with my girls. Even though (as far as I know) none of my friends are bi/lesbian. I don’t even think of them in that way, and I probably will never “come out” to them because it would be entirely too damn weird. I can only imagine the things going through his mind when I even reference one of my female friends now. Will he ever be comfortable enough for me to do the things that normal hetero women do?
Dear Bi Girl,
The fact that you could never tell your ex husband was probably a very big part of the marriage not working out. I say that because, ideally, the person you’re married to is someone you’re supposed to be able to share everything and be most honest with. So if you couldn’t do that then perhaps he wasn’t the right one in the first place. (Guess that’s kind of a moot point now anyway lol). I’ll assume you never cheated on your husband with a man or woman. If so, either would probably be another big problem in the relationship.
Now I’m not sure how old you were when you got married, figured out you were bi or how old are you are now, but with age you probably got more comfortable with yourself. You may have been a woman biologically for years, but the older you get the more comfortable we become with our sexuality. So telling your current BF may be a mixture of being more in tune with your sexuality and his understanding.
As for your main question about appeasing his insecurities, that’s a bit trickier. Mainly because those are his insecurities not yours. Actually, the more I think about your “problem” the less of a problem I see.
I’m not bi or gay and haven’t dealt with anyone in either category, but I assume at the core of any such relationship it’s pretty much the same as a hetero relationship. Okay, you’re bi and are attracted to both men and women alike. Say you were straight and wanted to hang with a male friend that was strictly platonic; how would your man react/feel? If it’s just a friend and he trusts you (and knows the friend) then he should be cool.
The same should go for you being bi and hanging with your female friends. Just because you’re bi doesn’t mean you’re a walking orgy magnet humping and getting poked by everything in sight. He has to realize that and if not then he’s just the jealous type. Again, that would be his problem not yours. Unless you’re giving him cause to be suspicious about your “girlfriends.”
Sure, it’s a little trickier because he doesn’t know who he’s competing with for your affection, but as with any relationship if you’re truly committed to him and he feels that he should have no worries about you straying with the next man or woman.
As for your friends, at the end of the day; is it really their business that you swing both ways? Unless you’re pursuing a relationship with them, which you say you’re not, then the sex of who you choose to sleep with should be none of their concern. If they’re truly your friends it really shouldn’t matter. Just as with your BF it may make for a few awkward moments in the girl’s room but as long as you’re not scoping them out like a thirsty guy or making unwanted passes I figure you’ll be fine.
Good luck.
Do you believe that not being able to be completely honest with your partner is a sign that there are problems in the relationship? Could you date someone that was bisexual? Would you be able to trust him/her when they hung out with friends of the same sex? Would you feel like he/she would always secretly desire to be with someone of the same sex? Would you feel comfortable hanging around a friend who came out as bisexual or gay? Do you feel that people become more in tune with their sexuality as they get older?
Speak your piece…
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great publish, i sure| will likely be visiting some other time