Come Correctly: The Secret to Winning a Wifey
Submitted by GG reader Jessica Jones
If you’re a female — and you’re breathing — chances are you’ve been the victim of a holla. (By holla we mean a frivolous, and often failed, attempt of a guy to “get at” a girl with annoying one-liners like “Hey little mama you look good,” “What yo’ name is?” or “Can I get in them jeans?”) A lady can’t even walk down the street without someone from the male gender bombarding her with this nonsense.
Let’s be real. Do males really think these tired lines work on women? After the classic, “Dannnnnnng mommy you look good…can I get yo’ number?” do you envision us replying with: “Aww, really? Yes; I always knew you were the one?” (For the record, if she is not your mom, she probably doesn’t like you calling her mommy, either.) Better yet, after you see us walking down the street and you whistle out the window of your souped up bucket, do you expect us to hijack the next biker we see and peddle after you in an attempt to follow-up? Take a minute and think to yourself: has this childish behavior ever really worked?
We didn’t think so.
And if you are continuing to justify your actions with that single incident last year when it was successful, you’re way off. The one girl who did respond to your ridiculousness was either a.) insecure b) desperate c) tacky/hood d)carrying an STD or e) all of the above. If this is what you want, then go for it–but if not, listen up. In an effort to stop the madness, and maybe even prompt a connection, we have come up with a handy list on how to get the attention of a classy lady.
DON’T RUSH IT
This is perhaps the most important step. Take a minute. Be easy. What’s the rush? Spend a few minutes asking the girl some questions about herself. And if you are seeing her on a regular basis (i.e. school or work) don’t holla at her the first time you approach her. Act like you just want to get to know her and the holla simply ensued because, upon getting to know her, you liked what you saw (not because you thought she was cute).
BE ORIGINAL
Steer clear of the cliché questions like, “Where are you from?” and “What do you like to do for fun?” The city that you are both in is probably the same city she is from. Half of the time you don’t even know what you mean by that question. We often find ourselves having to give a hefty–and pointless–explanation when a guy asks us where we’re from. More often than not, he means “Do you reside here?” not “Where were you born?” See it’s confusing even explaining it. Also, the “What do you like to do for fun?” question is just as unavailing. What do you mean what do we like to do for fun? The same things everyone does: hang out with friends, go to the movies, travel, shower, read, and occasionally stare at the wall. Not joking.
COMMENT ON HER ENERGY
If you are given no choice but to holla upon first approach (we understand this is often the case) then say her energy is what initially attracted you. This is a good solution when you don’t want to say her looks are what got you interested, but you don’t know her enough to say that her excellent personality prompted your inquiry. Girls like to know that they exude a positive aura. Really, those who have true game are hip to the energy tip. It works every time.
DON’T ACT LIKE YOU ARE APPROACHING HER FOR HER LOOKS
You should have gotten this by now, but then again you should have gotten a lot of things…and you haven’t. So we are taking it upon ourselves to make this step crystal clear. A girl is not impressed with a guy who tries to get at her based solely on physical attraction. Trust us. Don’t over compliment her about how beautiful she is (although saying beautiful will get you more points than fine or sexy). Besides, a cute girl already knows she looks good. She has to hear it all the time from other dudes on the street. Make yourself stand apart, my brotha. Don’t go there.
BE CONFIDENT
The “I’m-a-shy-guy-who-doesn’t-normally-approach-females” approach is almost laughable. Been there. Heard that. We are women, not idiots. We can see through that innocent/insecure routine a mile away. Act like you are the man (without being cocky or overly trying to impress her). Girls like a guy who is secure.
IF SHE HAS A DUDE, GIVE IT UP
There is nothing girls hate more than a pest who tries to get her to be unfaithful. Don’t accuse her of making her relationship up and then try to test her on how many months they have been together. This is pathetic. Bow out gracefully and wish her and her beau a lifetime of happiness.
Similarly, if she says she is a lesbian, take her word for it. And no, you can’t watch.
IF SHE DISSES YOU, TAKE IT LIKE A MAN
If she is not feeling you, then don’t counter with a childish, “Well you ain’t cute anyway.” We all know that you are just hurt, embarrassed, and you don’t know how to channel your humiliation. Man up. Take that rejection like a solider. She will respect you for it and, if you’re lucky, somewhere down the road the tables may turn and she could end up liking you. Oh, and the persistence thing is not effective either. She knows if she wants to pursue you almost instantaneously. When it comes to hollarin’, the classic “if at first you don’t succeed try, try again” mantra is void. Being excessively forceful won’t get you anything but 10 to 20.
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I had my note pad out for a couple of things, but most of what was written was common sense. Like when you said that if she goes along with the hey mama, or can I get in dem jeans she prolly has low self esteem, std….etc. But the thing is those guys arent looking for wifey, they lookin for a nut! The ones who are looking for that one they can bring home to mama, already follow the rules that you outlined in the above paragraphs, maybe not to the tee but close enough!
Thanks for the insight though it is much appreciated, and duly noted!
yes, much common sense here.
Only thing i saw missing was- just be yourself, for better or worse. You will either find your way, or eventually they will show you whats wrong with your approach.
Here’s another one (not really common sense, just knowing) that has worked wonders over the years- dont ask open and shut questions. Answers that need explaining are much better because women like to talk about themselves, so give her the chance to. For real, they will feel like they had a great conversation if you are taking interest in whatever they start blabbing about (kidding, kidding).
Lastly, timing is everything, no matter how good your game/lack thereof is. I’ve met women who hate meeting people in the street, even if you are good to go. For a guy, yes it can be weird, and potentially insane, as to some of the stuff women do say, but…it is what it is.
One woman told me one time she liked meeting guys in libraries, because that showed her that the dude is intellectual/building himself. I said, damn, all that we have in common, its just the place? “Yeah”.
/kept it moving.
I like the column & I agree in about 100% of what you wrote about. Even as a young man I never understood why Men (or should I say boys) would think that would work. My favorite is when guys try to “holla” from a moving vehicle. What did you think was gonna happen? She was gonna pull over?
But in all seriousness I have a word to the wise for the women. I am definitly empathetic to what you guys go threw in regards to the constant bombardment of ill-advised/poor suitors. This doesn’t mean that as a lady you can walk around with a stone face all day long and turn the whole world off. What happens if the right guy comes along and he’s turned off by the unwelcoming vibe or worse a quick sly remark. I consider myself a good catch(hate to sound conceeded) and I know a few women who have regreted our introduction because of their unwillingness to be open or congenial. As a guy pride is inherent and no way I could come full circle to court the woman who shut me down so harshly. I say turn a man down with a smile and keep it movin no matter how much of a jerk he is. Because at the end of the day you never know and your still a Lady.
Very interesting piece of writing. It never ceases to amaze me that men still need to KNOW these things. Then one would question, the ones that need to know these things certainly aren’t the ones I want to be in contact with… In my experience men loose out on their chances of truly being with someone because of their pride- drop that and the macho ego and I’m sure a lot of the advise above will come naturally..
Great, more pointless drivel about what women think men “want” and “need”. This ‘secret’ you offer up is about as tantalizing and in-demand by the male population as a walkthrough video on episiotomies. This piece is dead on arrival because the title radiates the self-delusion and general ineptitude women have in understanding the psyche of their male counterparts.
1) What exactly is a ‘wifey’? Is that a girlfriend with the potential to be espoused? What exactly gives any women the impression that the average man is looking for a “wifey”? Better yet, from where did this delusion sprout that “wifey” is a prize that men are generally out trying to win?
2) I apologize for the torrent of men who spastically convey their varied degree of interest in and approval of the ‘breathing’ women that parade by them. However, you women need to come to grips with two key points. First, stop thinking of the “holla” as some well laid out blueprint for garnering a woman’s favor. It’s not. We actually do have some ingenious schemes in our vault, which may or may not include exploiting your daddy issues (plan 2092.S3), but…I’ve already said too much. Anyway, the “holla”, as employed by my lesser-evolved comrades is nothing more than a reflex, not unlike other reflexive acts typically associated with men. The simple fact is that it itches, we scratch it; it carbonates, we belch it; it gasses up, we fart it; it rises, we solute it. So please, don’t flatter yourself into thinking that every single man that has ever “hollar’d” at you is somehow enamored, but just too simple-minded to piece together the appropriate words to express how you’ve ‘moved‘ him. Many of us have learned to control our reflexes in public, and in the presence of polite company, but there is clearly more work to be done. Second, NOTHING that existed 10, 100, or 1000 years ago exists today UNLESS it achieved some degree of efficacy that reached well into the profit side of the ledger. So yes, “these tired lines” do work on women. Therefore, I thank you to please take up this leg of the debate with your fellow ladies, whose ranks are not insignificant, and continue to encourage this aforementioned spastic behavior from men. Yes, I am right on this, so don’t bother rebutting. After all, how else can a generation of young men continue to defy the laws of physics and gravity itself by managing to suspend their trousers below the natural resting spot of their protruding buttocks, if not for the quiet approval of their female suiters?
3) Minus the obvious aversion to those with STDs, the “insecure, desperate, tacky/hood” women (easily 75+ percent of the female population) you callously write off are perfect targets for 75+ percent of the male population that is still reeling from the advent of laws and societal norms that, due to millennia of cultural evolution and the women’s rights movement, prevents them from simply bonking you over the head with a bat and taking you to a cave for coitus before heading to their next hunt. We only want you for your body (well at least for the first 2 acts of our lives). We know this. You know this. So why are you women still trying to encase the obvious in a fog of mystery and disingenuously choreographed dance? On that note, yes…
We “rush it” because we have things to do and/or the release we get from you typically doesn’t merit the amount of calorie burning you’re requesting.
There’s little need for originality because, again, some things exist because they are tried and true, we are creatures of efficiency, and frankly the majority of you women lack original content on which to comment.
“Energy”? You want US to feed YOU bullshit about an “energy” that YOU can’t readily explain? Please extract yourself from your fairy tale post haste, and grab the reality you live in by the balls.
We ARE approaching you for your looks. If we weren’t, we would have gone on blind dates.
Women and idiots are not mutually exclusive, especially since “Girls like to know that they exude a positive aura.”
As misguided as it may be, confidence is sadly what got you “hollar’d” at in the first place. Believe me, confident men is not what you’re lacking. We already rule the world, so imagine how unbearable we’d get with even more cause for self-aggrandizement.
4) If you really want to stop dealing with boys and escape the bleak view I’ve painted of men, you women need to start by taking initiative. Stop writing about what men need to do to “come correctly”. Take some god damn initiative and GO YOURSELF. There’s no reason why you can’t renegotiate or rewrite the rules of engagement. And for the love of all that is good in the world, please start off by taking command of your sexuality.
Whats really funny is the fact that you think these guys are looking for “wifey.” Men pursue what the see as physically attractive. These dudes obviously dont care who you really are, what you do for a living or what you current situation is. When they see you walking down the street (Or wherever they pass you by) The only thing on his mind is “How quickly can I get in?” They’re hormones are doing all the talking.
“Most” of what you posted is common sense to any man that is actually looking for “wifey” (A term that I’m not fond of for the record). These animals only pursue you in this manner because they are looking for the easiest catch. The dog is out and barking.
Also to quote Mr Robert Ashley Craft “This doesn’t mean that as a lady you can walk around with a stone face all day long and turn the whole world off. What happens if the right guy comes along and he’s turned off by the unwelcoming vibe or worse a quick sly remark.” -Couldn’t have said it better myself…We understand what you deal with everyday, we see it too (seriously) BUT what most of you don’t see is the guy who actually has enough self control to approach you with respect. Nine times out of ten he’ll get turned away with the rest….