Would You Leave if He Was Impotent? (Man’s Greatest Fear)
Most men won’t speak about it—let alone even think about it—but the greatest fear of any XY chromosome carrier is to lose the ability to maintain an erection. Just writing that makes me shudder in terror, but erectile dysfunction is a sad truth that could effect a man at some point in his life.
Let’s be real; we all can’t be Hercules in the bedroom forever. As Father Time scratches more years off the clock, those back-to-back-to-back marathon sex sessions begin to get less frequent. That 15-minute recovery time you used to rely on starts taking a little bit longer than it used to. As long as you’re still delivering your doses of Vitamin S properly, the aforementioned can be chalked up to old age and easily overlooked. Erectile dysfunction, however, is something else.
I’m not sure what I would do if my Johnson just stopped working. I imagine I’d feel embarrassed, ashamed and ultimately like less of a man. I know that what lies between my legs has nothing to do with my actual manhood, but not being able to perform would be a major blow to my fragile male ego. I’m sure the same holds true for any other man.
By nature, men are sexual creatures. We pride ourselves on our machismo and physical conquests. So to take that away from us is like a scorpion with no stinger; a bird with no wings; a rose with no petals; a bike with no wheels. Something vital would be missing from the equation.
Deeper than that would be the sense of feeling alone. If my body were to fail me in that way I couldn’t see myself talking to one of my boys about it (“Yo, son, you ever have problems with you’re, uhm, you know”) and chances are the lady in my life might not be sympathetic to my plight either. I say that because it seems like most women don’t know a thing about the penis other than it’s used for peeing and supposed to go inside her special place.
I’ve had my fair share of conversations with women who had no clue that penises shrink in cold weather, that the balls retract in hot weather, that we can’t pee when we’re hard (ThatsABadLook.com), that we can make it move or “jump” with our mind and that it doesn’t lay on the toilet seat when we sit down for a No. 2. But one major misconception women have is that we men have complete control over our penises. Sorry, that’s just not the case.
If you men had control over their penises we wouldn’t catch random boners on the train and we sure as hell wouldn’t cum early. Penises are dicks so they do what they want. I’ve found myself hard for no damn reason (embarrassing) and even I the mighty #WetWednesdays provocateur has finished a race or two earlier than planned. Hey, it happens to the best of us every once in a while. As long as it’s not a pattern, and my fingers and tongue still work my name will stay in good standing.
But not everyone is that lucky.
The worse thing a woman can do is emasculate a man because of his lack of performance. Things are embarrassing enough, the last thing a man needs is for his women to belittle him or add undue pressure. As much as sex is a physical act, it’s still a very mental experience. At least when you’re doing it right. According to Dr. Janet Hall, there are several things couples can do to deal with erectile dysfunction, including:
• Communicating with your partner about sex.
• Don’t avoid sex.
• Enjoy alternatives to actual intercourse.
• Have sex without penetration.
• Explore each other’s bodies and have fun.
• Adopt a healthy lifestyle.
• Reduce alcohol and increase exercise.
• Learn the “stop/start” technique.
• Men should ask their partner’s assistance in getting and keeping you aroused. For example, let her know that men are typically visual—perhaps she can “dress up” to arouse your interest.
One of the common misconceptions women have is that because a man can’t “get it up” that means he’s not attracted to her or is getting it somewhere else. While each situation is different, the causes are generally bigger than you. Diet, exercise and alcohol play a major role in erectile dysfunction, especially as a man gets older. Dr. Hall points out:
• Erection problems are most likely to primarily have medical causes.
• Then, performance anxiety may develop and that can also affect a man’s sex drive.
• If you can obtain an erection at any other time than intercourse, for example, on awakening in the morning or during masturbation, then the problem is probably psychological.
Whether it’s medical, physical or psychological the only way to deal with issues in the bedroom is by dealing with it. Ignoring it won’t make things better and rushing out to get a bunch of Viagra pills isn’t necessarily the answer either. It might be hard (no pun intended) but talking to your doctor is essential, as well as being honest with your partner, especially if you’re in a committed relationship.
Like Dr. Hall noted earlier, avoiding sex only makes your partner suspicious. Furthermore, all true partnerships involve both people working together. You can’t do that when one person is in the dark.
Check out the rest of Dr. Hall’s advice in the video clips below.
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR MAN LOST HIS SEX DRIVE, PT 1
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR MAN LOST HIS SEX DRIVE, PT 2
Not to put all the pressure on the guys, women have been reported to have low sex drives as well. CLICK HERE to read Dr. Stephanie Buehler’s “5 Fabulous Ways to Increase a Woman’s Sex Drive.”
Whether there’s a problem with his sex drive or her sex drive, here’s hoping everyone has safe sex.
Ladies, would you be understanding if your man had problems getting it up? Would you blame yourself? If your man suddenly stopped initiating sex would you assume he was cheating or he wasn’t attracted to you anymore? Could you stay with the love of your life if he could no longer perform sexually? Fellas, is erectile dysfunction your greatest fear? Would you be able to talk to your doctor or lover about it or would you try to deal with it on your own? Would Viagra be your first option? Would you feel like less of a man if you couldn’t perform in the bedroom?
Speak your piece…
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